Goose Read online

She started playing a lively tune. “Then the giant ransacked the castle and stole me. I rode around in his rucksack for a while until a second wizard banished him up here. He can’t touch earth without turning into mulch.” She shrugged. “Since then, I’ve played advisor to the giant and various other mortals who chanced to make their way up here. The sad part is that the men usually ended up in his soup.” She looked a little pensive. “Some good looking ones, too.” She brightened. “And your story?”

  I told her my story. She nodded. “I think you’ve eaten a Wizard charm.”

  “And…?”

  “That would explain your intelligence and your golden… offspring. But if you want to keep both, stay away from those damned wizards.”

  “Won’t the charm go through me?”

  She shook her head. “I think it would require a magical removal. I understand that’s a bit… painful.” She looked at me. “How old are you?”

  I thought about that. “About a year and a half.”

  “Limited experience.”

  “But I seem to know a lot more than I ever learned.”

  “So we might have some interesting conversations. That’s good. For me, anyway.” She had the grace to look a little ashamed of herself.

  I settled back on my shelf. After a time, the giant brought nest making materials. I thought of escaping while the door opened, but he blocked the entire door and closed it quickly. Then he clipped my wings, and I gave up the idea. What was I going to do, waddle out of the door and fall to earth? Splat. I’ve had more rough landings than I cared to remember. The harp reminded him to bring me food and drink, and I laid an egg a day. More than the average goose, because the average goose only had a few a year, but I could’ve had hundreds of children, had they not been taken away. I cried for the children, then became resigned.

  As for the Harp, oddly enough named Harmonia, she proved to be an interesting conversationalist. And I found that I enjoyed it immensely. I may have changed in intelligence, but my curiosity was still boundless, and the harp had picked up a lot in her long life. As for the harp, I asked her once what she got out of our conversations, and she said, “Company. You think I can talk to that genius?” I had the feeling she was somewhat of a talker before her transformation.

  So, while it wasn’t freedom, it was interesting and relatively comfortable.

  Until Jack came.

  He slithered into our room like a snake intent on stealing eggs. I could see his shifty eyes jump around the room. He settled on Harmonia.

  “Harmonia,” I squawked.

  She had been sleeping. “What. What! Oh.” She looked at him appraisingly. “Does a good looking fellow like you want a harp?”

  “Harmonia!” I objected.

  “Don’t you want to get out of here?” She said lowly in goose.

  “Well, yes, but…”

  “Let me do the talking.”

  “I need something I can sell. My mother and I, we’re about to starve to death.”

  “Well,” said Harmonia with her hands on her hips, “I would be a bit difficult to sell, but over there is a goose that lays golden eggs.” She sighed. “Only problem is that I’m the only one who can get her to lay.”

  “I don’t believe it,” the boy shifted side to side. He suddenly looked young and less sinister.

  “I’m a harp who can talk,” Harmonia said wryly. “Would I lie to you?” She waved her hands toward the shelf where a number of my children’s shells lay. “See the results?”

  “Wow.” I could see the greed come up in his eyes. Somehow, Harmonia’s scheme didn’t reassure me.

  I could feel pounding in the distance. “Listen, pal, the giant is coming back. Over there is the giant’s net. Put us in it and take us back to earth.”

  Earth is nice.

  Jack hesitated for a second, looking at the harp as if there was a catch. I wondered about that, myself, but honked in support. He ran over to the other end of the room, deftly folded the net in fourths, tied it so that it fit over his head, then grabbed the harp, then me. My instincts kicked in and I struggled for a second, but overcame my instincts. Then I thought of something.

  “Harmonia, how did this human get up here?”

  “A beanstalk, of course.”

  “A… what?”

  Jack ran out of the front door, almost under the legs of the giant. He ducked one way, then another, but his fancy footwork was useless against the giant, who was slower than molasses. Looked nice, not necessary, a linear run would have been just as effective and less exhausting. Then he settled down and ran toward a large plant sticking out of the floor of the clouds. As we got closer, I could see that it was a beanstalk.

  Life is weird. Life in a world with wizards was bizarre. What would I be doing in a normal world? I’d be with a mate, eating grass, and raising children. Not a bad life. On the other hand, I’d be missing Harmonia’s entertaining discussions and my intelligence. On the other hand, I’d be flying and not in the bag of a greedy young man, who was clambering down the beanstalk. I looked up. Yeah, there was the giant, lumbering down behind him. “But the giant can’t touch earth, can he?”

  “Hush. Momma Harmonia has this in hand.”

  After an interminable time, we reached earth. It had just rained; I could smell the grass, a sharp, delicious smell. An older woman leaned out the door. Her teeth were half-gone. “Jack! What on earth are you doing?”

  Jack handed off the net with us in it. “Not now, Momma.” He reached toward the hatchet, and started hacking away at the beanstalk. He did know how to cut a tree, because it wasn’t long before the beanstalk was swaying. I looked up at the giant. He had a panicked look on his face, and even from here I could smell what he let loose. “Pe-euw,” Harmonia uttered.

  But the higher the giant went, the more the beanstalk swayed, until suddenly, he fell to earth. It made an enormous noise, and the giant flopped, his head jumping back and forth. As we watched, he turned into mulch, then the mulch settled and shifted on either side.

  Jack’s mother stood there with her hand on her hips. “Jack, you fool, what were you doing?”

  He took the bag from his mother, then laid us on the ground. “Mother, this is a magical harp. She talks.” He lifted Harmonia, who was doing her statue imitation. He shook her a little bit.

  Harmonia put her hand on her hips. “I was joking with you.” She reached out her tiny hand. “How do you do.”

  Jack’s Mom gaped at her. I could see Harmonia’s nose wrinkle. “I see you had garlic for lunch,” she said, withdrawing her hand.

  He handed her to his mother, then picked me up. “And this is a goose who lays golden eggs.”

  “If he hands me to her, I’m going to throw up.”

  Harmonia grinned. “I wish I could.”

  Jack’s mother started swinging at Jack, unfortunately with Harmonia. “Jack, you fool, what good are golden eggs for food!”

  “We can sell them for food!”

  “And who’s the fool here?” Harmonia said in goose.

  Jack’s mother stopped swinging. “Jack, you idiot, when you sold the cow, you bought magic beans! What good are magic beans?”

  “They got us the harp and the goose!”

  I could see the idea circulating around in her brain. “I’ll make the deal.”

  “As if she’s any better than he is.”

  I heard a plop. “Get in the hut,” Harmonia yelled. A board fell before us.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s the giant’s house! The spell’s broken, and his house is dropping down to earth!”

  The pair ran into the hovel, fortunately bringing both of us with them. “Get close to the goose.”

  Huh?

  She looked at me. “Testing a theory.”

  A board came through the roof in front of us. Another came through behind us. I looked up and honked. There was one coming to
ward us, but suddenly it deflected the other way. “Jack,” Jack’s mother said. “Is this your fault?”

  “I think so,” Jack said, cringing.

  I was still thinking about the deflected board. “Did I do that?”

  “I think the charm you ate did. If there’s any chance of it being destroyed, it’ll work to save itself.”

  “But not necessarily me.”

  “I think so.”

  “Hmmm…. Convenient.”

  The clatter ended and we looked out. The remains of the house were scattered around the hut. Intermingled with the wood were glints of gold. The pair gaped, then set us both down and went out to gather their booty.

  I stood up and took a bit of sweet grass, grass that I hadn’t eaten in at least two years. “Well, that should keep them busy for a while,” Harmonia said.

  A man appeared in front of us. He was an average looking man, in spite of the fact that he appeared out of thin air. “Well, isn’t this fascinating,” he said, looking down at us. He peered at Jack and his mother, who hadn’t noticed anything more than picking gold out of the grass. “You cause this?”

  “In a manner of speaking,” Harmonia said, frowning upwards. “You going to lock us up for that?”

  The man snorted. “Not today, but I think I need to take you away from this.”

  “I know your sort. You’re a wizard.”

  “No, I’m your worst nightmare.”

  Harmonia wrinkled up her face.

  “Sorry, joking. A little future reference. My name is Howard.”

  “We’re being rescued by Howard, the wizard?”

  Howard grinned, picked us both up, and the idiot Jack and his despicable mother disappeared. We found ourselves in a